to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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