Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
