Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
