Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
