Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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