who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
