I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
