Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
