he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
