I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
