i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
