I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think my moral compass just broke
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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