she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
