Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
