I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
