Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
