: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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