I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
id be glad to
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
