But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
