Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
