I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
