dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
wow bdsm is so cute
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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