I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
