i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
