my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just pee around me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
