if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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