I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
