Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
