He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
