Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
