the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
