I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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