Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
