We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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