This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
