I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
