People in love make me want to vomit
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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