I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
