im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
