well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
