who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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