Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
