i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
