it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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