does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Me too!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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