We're facebook friends in real life
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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