I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
