Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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