Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
