Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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