he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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